Lessons Learnt, Life Lived

Every time I went for the routine check up, a poster on the wall of the clinic always caught my attention. It is a simple poster with a photo of a lipstick on the right side and a pacifier on the left. The message is simple, Enjoy your current life thoroughly before you decide to start a new one.

Dalam keadaan sekarang ni aku memang faham apa yang cuba disampaikan oleh poster tu. Starting a family while fulfilling your (once) young, energetic and not to mention selfish needs won't make it together. I believe in that.

There were so much things to sacrifice once you decide you want to start a family. I think that is why during my first year of marriage, I am still able to smile when people ask me about my non existence baby bump. I never really give much tought about it. I love my career and myself more then I guess. But I kept praying to the One, for once I am ready, please let me become a mother.

My mom had me when she was 20. A rather young age don't you think? I think she haven't experience life as she should have. But then again, it is subjective. Maybe at that time, she was ready. For her, she can sacrifice everything then for me, her first baby. She didn't have a car nor a house. My father had this stylish scrambler bike but of course it is not suitable for a family of three. They opt for a second hand car and my dad had to let go of his once treasured thing in his life..

I am still pregnant at the moment I wrote this down (errr...typing sebenarnya kan?) but in my head I already got tonnes of things I wouldn't be able to do in less that 4 months from now especially simple things like going to the movies (am not going to be like those selfish parents who bring their kids~in strollers some more~only to annoy other patrons ), or clubbing (I seriously had my time AX, don't ever you dare to goda goda me into going again).

In fact, there are already things than I had to let go. Like, our late night movies ritual every weekend. Or my once-a-month facial treatment. And my once free-from-pimples skin (Pregnant women glows? That is such a myth darling!). And the nicely pert boobs. And the nice high heels. ...Owh..You should get the picture by now.

Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining but rather I am grateful that I had the chance to feel like this (bloating and vomiting)... or looking like this..

The other day I ask hubby the dreaded question. He was watching football on tv.

" You still love me..with my flawed skin and all???"

" Of course I do, dear..still very much.."

Usually when he was watching TV, (lagi lagi la football) he would answer without even looking at me. But last night was rather different.

With that answer he looked into my eyes and kissed my forehead. And that could make it for the pimples on my skin, the saggy boobs, the itchy skin and everything that used to matters......

Hmphh..Kalau ko ada skandal lepas nih, tau la aku apa nak buat!!

Sometimes I do get mad...

and when I am mad at him I read this over and over again just to remind myself how much I actually love him......

Dear Hubby,

Sometimes I forget the whole reason why I am married to you. Sometimes I’m a swollen-headed intolerable bitch. Sometimes I lose my temper on you.But you’re still here with me.

Thank you.

I would like to thank you too for accepting me the way I am.
I would like to thank you for loving me the way you always do.
I would like to thank you for making up the bed coz you know I am late for work.
I would like to thank you for vacuuming the carpets coz you know I can’t stand the dust.
I would like to thank you for always being there for me when I need a hug after a hard day.
I would like to thank you for telling me I look nice and pretty even when I have runny nose.
I would like to thank you for kissing and hugging me when I have my allergies and my face is all swollen up and I end up looking like a Malay version of Princess "Ogre" Fiona.
I would like to thank you for that lovely card you made for me.

And that is not all.

I love you.
I love you even if I am mad at you.
I love you even if you make me worried.
I love you even if you are not a romantic lad.
I love you even if you don’t buy big gorgeous flowers for me.
I will just love you…..always…